I was once a dreamer, but I think that life is finally breaking me down into a realist. There is only so much the window can take until everything comes crashing in to you.
I grew up on fantasy and romance and believed that I needed to be my own version of a modern Knight and the world and the riches of life would magically open up for me. This gave me an interesting focus and dedication to cultivating certain skills so that it worked in some ways which gave me hope that something might actually work.
However. As the years go on and I realise that these were small victories and that is all that life may have to offer I am slowly coming to the realisation that the powerful dreams are not moving me anymore.
This is life. I have to get up drag myself and fight, day in day out, keep the negativity at bay or embrace it. The dilemma really is, am I going to give up or am I going to find a way to fight?
I think I stopped listening to that passionate side of me as life became tougher and more and more things are at stake, mortality, the needs of family the desperation of not having a place to life and food to eat. I drag myself through the mud trying to retain the colour. I yearn for that feeling like I am flying and I am this magical being. I need hope and I need music, I need art and I don’t want to compromise anymore to make it happen. I need myself to be.
This is what Virgo is. A return to form unlocking that unbelievable ridiculous dreamer in me that provided the fuel for me to be truly creative. This fight is not over yet for a little bit let me close my eyes and dream.
I am no stranger to starting over, I like to work at something until I get it right. Getting my hands dirty is part of the fun! This blog has seen so many different iterations. I might be zoning in on a new state I would like to work on for a while.
Still a work in progress but I guess I will be talking about art, fashion and anything that tickles my fancy in between. It might be therapeutic.
Writing this I am sitting down anxiously looking at skype, facebook and my phone trying to get any news I can from my friends in New York. The Fashion Collection that we have worked on for some months now should be on the runway soon and I am trying to keep my emotions in check. It is my birthday and usual expectations are that I should be out there celebrating doing something big, but in my own way I feel like I have. There are no expectations for my birthday and I usually just like to keep it quiet and simple and reflect on getting to another year.
I am a bit disappointed that I could not be in New York right now to see the clothes with my own eyes but I have made peace with that and have come to rely on the incredible support from friends and loved ones who rally with me because we believe in each other. Some are worried about responses from the collection, a bit antsy about reviews from the show but I am more concerned about executing the next steps. I am just proud to have managed to get to this point.
A few weeks back I decided I needed some downtime. I was going hard for several weeks working and after weeks of lecturing and working with my team on our fashion collection I finally took some head space of my own. You know, because types like me need that king of stuff.
So for my downtime I spent a week looking at a DOTA 2 tournament. DOTA 2 is an objective based game that 10 players play (5 on 5). Your team picks heroes from a pool and try to out play your enemy’s 5 heroes to destroy their base. I was backing the eventual winners of the tournament, a team from Sweden calling themselves The Alliance. Now I was fans of them before they went an impressive 14 game win streak only dropping 3 of all of their games played by the time the event was over. Why I became a fan is because they taught me a few things about keeping your eyes on the prize ( see my brain don’t ever stop working and looking at angles). So here are a few things I picked up from them in point form:
[list style=’regular’] [list_item]They have a plan and they stick to it. The team in interviews said that before every game they think of their overall strat and execute it as best as they can. Says a lot about sticking to your guns and staying focused.[/list_item] [list_item]They chose brain over flashy game-play and thought a little outside the box. Even though they have a set game plan, they also played some very strategic games breaking the popularly accepted modes ( amidst heavy criticism). People did not understand nor like it accusing them of having a boring play-style. I thought it was entertaining watching them outmaneuver people. So thinking out of the box old but still good. [/list_item] [list_item]Never underestimate what you are up against. Even though The Alliance had an impressive winning streak, in their final games people thought they were unstoppable, and it showed when they made some cocky moves that almost cost them the tournament[/list_item] [/list]
So three basic things I learned while watching a video game tournament in my downtime. Those guys won 1.4 million US dollars for their efforts. If you were thinking of a good time to get into e-sports evaluate your twitchy status and see if you have what it takes. meanwhile I am gonna stay creating and enjoying some gaming on the side.
This month and I guess Christmas usually aren’t my best times of the year. As luck would have it I tend not to have any around this time typically. Now I have been moving away from being outwardly negative but I have been somewhat introspective becoming more of my reclusive self, thinking and resting. I guess I needed a break.
I like to do that, it helps me stay creative by continuously finding some way to rest and renew my energies. Writing this I am thinking about the projects coming up next month and the tasks in front of me for the year ahead. Sometimes a pause is good and it was good. I have several things I want to put to words again on this blog, a little of the old and some of the new.
I think this new year post August is going to be interesting. I look forward to my birthday next month.
Yes I do own a calendar and I am not going over the deep end or anything like that. I have just come to realise that I see my new year just after Carnival. For me, that is when I have a lot of creative energy flowing. This usually comes from all the Carnival hype, good and bad I always find something great to take from it whether it is the pure orgy of colours or simply the happiness of people.
I dealt with a lot of crap last couple months that I may look back someday and laugh over. Usually I can handle my shit but I think I got blindsided. The people around you choose them carefully for they are the ones who will help you when you fall. I am lucky and thankful for that.
Moving on I wanted to get this little guy out of the way. It is a bit of a warm up for me and I am feeling excited about working again. Here’s to a great year!
Some process images and my inspiration are after the jump.